And like that, it was gone

It’s undoubtedly the most disastrous moment in the history of the Academy Awards since Crash won Best Picture in 2005…

Due to a minor medical emergency, I will be spending Oscar night in Her Majesty’s St Tom’s Hospital.

Don’t fret though my dear dear deer friends. It isn’t your author who’s in strife. It’s a friend. I say friend, he used to be…

I just hope that the epic disappointment (the biggest let-down since Spiderman 3(?)) hasn’t ruined your evenings too.

I do hope you enjoy Billy C and his utter smuggery. I suspect his weak one-liners will leave you with as bitter a taste in your mouth as the cheap champagne-substitute that I wish I was drinking.

It’s almost sad to think of it chilling in the fridge. Almost as sad as thinking of the pork joint roasting in the…oh shit. I have a call to make…

Enjoy, you lucky lucky bastards.

Kind regards.

Bloscars

Blogging the Oscars (Bloscars…you see?)

Hello then.

So I decided to do a blog now and there’s nothing you can do about it. Sure, you can decide not to read it; you can tell your friends not to read it; you can even tell the all powerful Twittersphere not to read it…

But it will still be here. Festering. Strewn with unlikely opinions and littered with factual innacreacies.

The ethos: I really, really like the Oscars. I just do. I’ve liked it since seeing Nicole Kidman doing an acceptance speech in the middle of the night in 2003. And yes…I’m as surprised as anybody that I would need to type that. But I did and I can live with that.

I’m going to kick it all off with an ambitious and inevitably flawed pursuit. I’m going to maintain a live blog of this year’s big event and I shall do so with two caveats:

1. I’ll probably fall to the sleep. It will be late and I’ll be drinking beers and I’ll be eating pork and it will take a Herculean effort to keep the eyes open, focused and beautiful (I’m told they’re the colour of bay leaves).

2. I may end up just stopping. I’ll be too busy drinking beers and eating pork. I’m told I’m no multi-tasker.

Unless I’m picking up some preparatory z’s, I should be starting with red carpet coverage. I like the pretty dresses and the dashing DJ’s as much as the next man (particularly if the next man is Gok Wan) and they tend to be perfect fodder to do jokes that only I find funny.

During the ceremony, I’ll be updating with flat quips and dreadful attempts at humour as well as revealing all of the winners and bemoaning another lack of shocks. I assume that I will be the only person in the world who will be giving such updates, so you’d better stick with me…

And when the event’s all done, well that’s when the brunt of my writing will really begin. The sad story of a man writing articles about the Oscars for an audience of zero. Huzzah, etc.

So feel free to comment. Compliments and interesting debate will be welcome. Insults will be moderated, edited and reposted as if they were compliments or interesting debate.

Also, do a little follow on Twitter. It’s @Bloscars. Or don’t. That’s fine too, in a way.

Catch you later.

Kind regards

Bloscars